Bra frustration – I hate my boobs (warning: ranty post)
I'm so frustrated. I hate my boobs, I hate all bras, I hate my body – everything. When I finally found some bras that fit me and that are comfortable : I grow out of them in no time. It started with 30J Andorra and never stopped until now. I once want to wear the same bras that I love for more than 3 months.
Why can't my boobs stop growing! I'm tired of it! I'm officially a 32K now. Honestly I sooo hate it! I refuse to ever go up a cup size again! No good bras are around in that size!
At least my underbust got bigger, yes I'm actually happy about that, since I can wear 32 bands and maybe even 34 bands now. (32inch underbust comfy tight)
My beloved Panache Ariza Balconnet Bra (5051) does not fit me anymore too and I might leave the fan club forever. This bras inconsisitent band sizing makes it impossible to figure out which size now will fit. (I already ranted about it here: http://www.bratabase.com/profile/3a1/adventures/1692/ )
Curvy Kate Gia (CK2101) which I bought just recently give me some slight quadraboob already.
The only good bra is my altered 36J - Sculptresse » Bellise Balconnet Bra (6891) . Since I cannot wear that bra every day (laundry duh) I recently took my Tangos out of the drawer again and altered them a bit. 30K still fits but I don't like it, full stop! I want prettier, fancier bras. Panache Tango Ii Balconette (3251) is boring, it's shape is too east - west and it makes me look wider than I am.
The whole bra frustration messed up all my recently gained body positivity. I have been dieting all my life, I hated my body and thought I was fat even when I was almost anorexic but I finally started accepting me as I am now. Plus size and very busty. But the whole bra things makes me question myself again: should I just loose weight to find bras that I fit in again?
It's the same thing with clothes. People used to tell me so many times in my life: „If you just loose weight, you could wear all the cute clothing.“
I feel that way about bras now. I ask myself, if I would loose weight, would I fit into in 30J Andorra again? Would I feel better about myself? Then I don't feel like dieting and starving myself anymore. Even at my lowest weight I was miserable, unhappy and thought that I was incredibly fat. Now I feel much better about myself and gained actually some self-confidence despite I am a Urkye 42BB/BB / BiuBiu 42-44BB/BBB and a 32K UK in bras.
Why are there no bras that really fit me as I am now? Do I have to change to fit into pretty bras again?
I really struggle with this now and I wish I could be more positive, but I just don't feel like it now.
Filed under Boob and body issues
12 comments
How old are you, and how much have your boobs grown the past 5 years? It seems weird to me that they "never stop growing". At some point they have to, but if you're really young I understand why you phrased yourself that way.
You sound pretty much like me. All my life, ever since I was 13 and got my first cup sized bra, I felt like I had 'big boobs'. It may have also had to do with the fact that my mum is reasonably busty too, and thus better clued into correct sizing, so instead of getting cute, moulded 10B/12A bras like my friends, I had the full coverage 10C bra which she took the band in on. Ooh- it's even on Bratabase here http://www.bratabase.com/browse/berlei-australia/sweatergirl-non-padded-bra-y50275/ Yes, it was comfy, but what with my tiny ribcage and loads of projection, I just felt like my breasts were massive. Her preference for full cup bras and my lack of opinion (so I just wore what she picked for me) probably helped cement this idea in my mind.
Ever since then, I've just kept growing. It wasn't too bad until I hit about 20, when I stacked on 15kg (30 pounds??) in 9 months (I went from borderline underweight to borderline overweight by BMI, so it's not as totally nutty as you may think), and since then, I've pretty much been going up a cup size every 6 months.
So now, at 24 (25 in August), I have breasts which displace about 2.3 litres each, and have gone from tolerating a 30 band, to needing a 28 band, to having a 28 band ride up, not so much because of weight loss, but in fact just because my breasts are so heavy, and cups aren't cut right for me. I didn't want to deal with being larger in cup than a 28K for months and months, and so I kept trying to shove myself into my old bras. I think if bras were cut properly for me, I'd need a 26L (or maybe a 28KK if I could get something with a super-supportive band). I still don't know if my breasts have stopped growing though. I don't want to buy too many things (and never have), because I grow out of them in 6 months or so.
What I have to keep telling myself, and I think it's very true is that 'It's not you, it's the clothes'. Your body is fine just the way that it is! It's just unfortunate that companies don't recognise the diversity in women when it comes to clothing.
The one positive about this is that life is an adventure for me again, trying to get things to fit. And I really need something in life to keep me engrossed and occupied, because I have some serious struggles with my mental health (not related to body image, but other things). I have used my sewing machine more in the last 2-3 months than I have ever before, and I have been learning new skills. :)
Of course, if I got an official message saying 'your breasts have stopped growing now, at least unless you get pregnant or something', I would rejoice and buy many, many, many bras.
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