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I'm going to have to revamp my wardrobe
Today I am taking the Freya Ivy Longline Bra (1333) for a spin. I think I'm 1, possibly 2 cup sizes smaller than the bra, but gosh this thing is comfortable and I feel supported despite the mega-room on top. Maybe one of these days I'll get brave enough to post photos here.
It's very cool here today, very much foreshadowing autumn. I was quite chilled and put on jeans and a t-shirt this morning. I keep looking down and shaking my head.
If you recall yesterday's revelation that I'm embracing the idea of being a woman, and kinda sorta actually LIKING my breasts, pulling on the baggy t-shirt today for once doesn't make me feel safe or hidden. It makes me sort of sad. Like, what's the point on having my breasts high enough to be a chinrest if it isn't even really noticeable? (I kid, they sure aren't that high...I'm just not used to the idea that THAT is where they are actually SUPPOSED to be).
I guess I need to get some tailored shirts or something for autumn and winter. I normally wear bulk sweatshirts all winter long. Cover up. You know. Body shame.
Seems to me, the next step in healing is clothes that actually fit.
I just cleared through my closet and got rid of the impossibly-small clothing left over from my professional-woman-with-anorexia days. I'm not sure why I kept it so long, except clinging to the memories of that life. I now realize I don't WANT to cling to unhappiness. I even got rid of every single one of those camisole-with-shelf-bra things that I so desperately hoped would erase my breasts. I had 21 of them. Seriously.
I'm not a size 00 any more. There, I said it out loud. I'm not entirely sure WHAT size I am, but it's not the XL t-shirt I have on this morning, either.
Does everyone go through this sort of thing when the Bra Revelation hits? I'm rethinking everything I've ever thought about myself. It's not a bad exercise; I find it a bit amusing that a bra, of all things,, spurred it.
Filed under Boob and body issues
8 comments
I recognize the clothes-cling situation, but for me it had nothing to do with bras or my body. A while ago I also had some particular clothes left in my closet, which reminded me of a rather horrible period of my life. Like you I also finally realized I did not want to be reminded to all those bad memories by those clothes, that I did not even wear anymore, and I threw them out. Very liberating :)
What I did go through after figuring out that I actually have a bra size and that I could wear bras, was the realization that I do have a normal body. I could not wear bras for a long time because I did not fit any, and because of that I got the idea there was something horribly wrong with my body and I was very upset with it. I know now that it my body is not wrong or misshapen, it is perfectly fine and I am happy with it :) All I am not happy with is the regular clothing retailers because I don't fit their clothes or bras :P
You must have had an impressive journey to be in that beautiful state of mind now. Good to know you.
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