3
Jun 12, 2014
I see my mom about twice a year, when she makes a trip out to California from Omaha, NE (in February she comes out to celebrate her birthday with her twin sister, and then she comes sometime towards the end of July to celebrate my birthday which is in August a little early - originally that was because I was in school still and the fall semester always started pretty much the same week of my bday and I'd be totally focused on classes and getting to them on time rather than spending time with dear mom.) Two years ago I had to sit my mom down for a conversation about why it was hurtful for me when she makes comments about my weight and how she and my aunt will sit and talk about my boobs like I'm not there - like I'm just a female body shaped piece of furniture with (to them) gigantic boobs. Yeah, they quit poking at them, after I did it back to their....uhhh...boob-area-that-mostly-feels-like-the-contour-tshirt-bras-they-wear so they'd know how it felt. As a side note, I think I want to convince my mom to get fitted again, but she doesn't really like spending any of the money she and my dad worked so hard to save for their retirement....which they've reached...on herself. I keep telling her that now is the time, it's what the money was invested and saved for (spending! in retirement!). (sigh) So ever since I had that conversation, she's tried to be better about the subject of size, specifically mine. I haven't said anything to her about the weight I've lost, it's probably not the amount that she thinks I'd "feel better" if I lost, but the amount part, that's more about her own issues with weight and her mother that she dealt with throughout her adult years. Even when I was 100lbs my stomach wasn't flat, not when I was putting in 5+ hours 5-6 days a week in ballet, in a pre-professional program at the local arts high school for classical dance, whose directors would eventually inform me that my body type would prevent me from getting into a company and dancing professionally. Evidently I was too short, too busty,had a butt, some hips - my body had far too much feminine curve. All the things women have, in varying amounts, but to those directors - I had far too much, at least for a proper ballerina. If the present day me could go back and say something to those directors, it'd probably be "thanks for the soul-crushing, but fuck off." or along those lines.
I still begin with the fretting about whether or not the time with my mom will be pleasant or comparable to having to use a dull steak knife to free myself via amputation from the overturned wreckage of my car that no one can see from the highway because it's down an embankment and in a vegetation overgrown ditch. This nonsense in my head starts a month ahead of time, and not because I enjoy giving myself ample time to obsess...one would think that since I only see her twice a year, I'd focus on making it a happy time, and I would, if I could. Why must adulthood come with so much baggage, it's like starting with a carry on bag and ending up with a full touring luggage set.
Filed under Boob and body issues
5 comments
valentine556, I admire you for even trying, over and over again.
(((hugs))) I am truly astonished again and again at the way women will tear down their relationship with their daughters for years like this. Then they wonder why they don't have a closer relationship.
I think your mom needs a wake-up call. It sounds like the two of you do love each other but she has no concept of boundaries (and, to be honest, you might need to make sure you've got your boundaries clear also-- at the end of the day if she doesn't care to do anything about her bra situation, that is as much her prerogative as your choices about your body/clothes are your prerogative). So maybe tell her honestly that her criticism of your body still hurts to the point that you are ambivalent about her visit. That should give her something to think about. If she is like my mom she will pout, act defensive and be a martyr for a while, but eventually it will sink in.
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