Feeling at a loss, not sure what to do(mom + bra fitting) » All bra adventures

Feeling at a loss, not sure what to do(mom + bra fitting)

This is going to be long.

I feel like this is an awlward situation.
Basically, to sum everything up, I've written previously about my mom and I having a not-so-ideal relationship.
My mom has narcissistic personality disorder (or at least it's been hinted at by my therapist, and I'm a typical scapegoat). I'm sort of prefacing with that because she has some strange/frustrating characteristics that are associated with that(that will come up).
And even though I'm in a crappy position with her, which I won't fully go into, I understand that personality disorders usually develop because of adverse events and she only acts the way she does towards me in particular, because she identifies with me in some way and in reality has very low self esteem(all N's do and you'd normally never guess), aaand psychology.

Basically, her behavior is frustrating and unfair at times, but I've concluded that it isn't my fault, there's nothing I can do, and she's still my mom, and I still care about her and want her to be happy.

I try to keep things lightconversation-wise, because I just don't want to get into negativity with her, which is how I ended up sharing my bra knowledge with her. I'm shy and awkward, so even though she's my mom, since we don't have a great or close relationship, I feel like it's a little weird for me to talk about that with her, but, I did. Lol

I grew up with an eating disorder, and I'm trying to treat my body better and dress in nicer things, regardless of still not being at an ideal weight for myself yet(and gaining 5 depressing ibs ).
Lately I've been buying a lot of bras, and I even bought myself new clothes (of higher quality that I somehow snagged new for like $1 each-score!).

My mom has been doing an imitation pouty thing and making remarks since like, "I wish I could buy myself nice things...", "I wish someone would buy me nice things", "I never have any money for myself.", "Someone asked what was wrong today and I told them that I wanted a new bra and [insert name] perfume and asked if he could buy it for me."

My mom does buy herself things, but usually goes for quantity over quality and ends up unhappy, or spends any extra money on eating out with her bf, or just not making wise shopping decisions(like buying expired food that goes bad and she just has to re-buy anyway, not using coupons, not shopping in bulk even if it's cheaper because "it's dumb" i.e. my bf and I do that when it saves $).

Martyrdom is typical of npd, and unfortunately that means that no matter how much I offer to help her sort out bills(I like organization and numbers and want/ed to be an accountant) or offer advice on using coupons or saving money, she won't listen.

I told her about proper bra fitting and how to do measurements a few months ago.
She seemed interested, and I told her to take her measurements and write them down sometime and I'd give her size estimates.
She won't give me her measurements for some reason, but she went out and bought about 10 bras, all only on clearance racks (that's fine of course, but there may have been more selection elsewhere and I know the Kohl's in my town puts all the worst bras on clearance, and doesn't have much selection/variation[I looked+bought 2 really bad fitting/pretty Vera Wangs there myself]).
She came back with 40DD-DDD and a few bras just sized "large". Those sizes are improvements from 40C, but it's a little frustrating because being in my position with her, she won't ever fully trust anything I advise her.
She's been unhappy because she says her scooping doesn't stay, and the cups pop over. That's a sign of too big a band, but she doesn't trust me to try a 38.


Now she's feeling left out I guess, because I have loads of nice bras now, and she still doesn't have any.
She won't let me come shopping with her, so doing a fit check isn't possible. She came shopping with me once and said she didn't know if one fit, so I told her to check for certain things and she did have me check. I basically said what I've been saying, which is sister size down in the band because 40's ride up and pop over, and her gores don't tack which might mean different shape/cup up also.

She's super stubborn and won't listen. But now she's been complaining almost daily since I got my Comexims, that she needs new bras again because hers don't fit.
I texted her last night that I could sell any bras that don't fit her, and buy her a nice new one, and that's how I started, but she has since texted my brother and I and never responded to that.
I was feeling bad because my bf and I came home and she was really upset and wouldn't stop talking about how she can't afford any new bras (that's an admitted *hint from her).
I posted on RandomActsofBras, because I do have money from selling my own bras and clothes, but this week what I have is for my bf's birthday and what I have coming is for a hold. She won't give me measurements, so I don't want to flat out buy a Comexim or Ewa (especially not with size inconsistencies and my own unfamiliarity with EM) only to have them not fit and have her not trade them for a size that might.

I have a decent idea of what might fit her in Comexim if her 40DDD fits as well as she says, but I'd rather wait until I have a better idea of sizes that work for her in more than 1 bra and then buy a Comexim. Or even for Christmas, I'd absolutely order at least 2 sizes for her to try and then just sell the other and buy her another in whatever worked.

I just feel like in order to make her happy right now, I have to either flat out buy her a bra, or find one on RAOB. I think RAOB would be nice because then I can just use them as starting points and eventually I'd buy her some based off of what worked for her.

It's still difficult when I don't know what actually currently fits her and what doesn't.
I'm actually considering buying a Freya I saw on eBay, but I know she wouldn't trade it if it didn't fit which is super frustrating.

Can anyone keep an eye out for cheaper 38E-FF's for me?

Has anyone else had this problem? Lol it's so easily fixed (getting measurements, going shopping, probably at Nordstrom/rack just to try on and get an idea of shape and size) but so difficult.
I could just ignore her, because I know she's fishing for me to buy her something, but I do legitimately feel guilty because I've been treating myself and no one else and I feel kind of selfish. I'd like to at least help her out as much as I can. What do.

Filed under Bras ups and downs

Shared on Jul 19, 2015 Flag this